Lesson in Love

The saddest part of this story is that

you didn’t care enough to pause—

to see the trembling in my voice,

or the ache behind my questions.

You didn’t acknowledge it.

You assumed I shouldn’t be hurt.

And instead of easing my pain,

you slipped into silence and blocked me,

as if I was too loud for your comfort.

You didn’t care enough to reassure me.

Again.

I guess I expected too much,

invested too soon,

believed too deeply in your half-spoken words.

I guess I didn’t matter enough—

not enough to warrant the extra mile.

When all I ever asked for

was a little clarity,

a little softness,

a little “I’m here.”

When all I ever wanted

was to feel truly wanted.

So much for being vulnerable,

for wearing my heart unguarded.

You weren’t ready to meet me where I stood—

and that’s okay.

It hurts,

but I can live with that.

Because I’ve learned,

even love leaves lessons behind

Too Good to Be True

I said, “This is too good to be true.” 

 And well… 

it probably really was. 

There it is. 

 Just for a moment, 

I hoped it would last. 

But it didn’t — and that’s okay. 

I can live with that. 

I told you once: 

 “I have this list 

— the ones that should never be crossed. Because those are complicated. 

 And I don’t do complicated. 

I want a peaceful life.” 

But it’s funny 

— because if it’s not a weirdo, 

 it’s someone from that list. 

 Crazy, isn’t it? 

 "Lord, is this a test?” 🤣🤣🤣 

Sometimes, life throws a joke your way. 

But you know what? 

I did find wisdom in all of this. 

So… thank you. .

An Honest Mistake

I'm walking away 

— not because I didn’t love you, 

 or because I didn’t love you enough to stay.

I’m walking away for me 

— because it didn’t feel right. 

Because I didn’t feel like 

someone you truly wanted. 

Perhaps you just felt 

obliged to say I love you too. 

Because, like you said, 

this all began with a misunderstanding 

— a moment I thought meant 

something more than it ever did for you. 

Oh well… 

then it was an honest mistake, 

wasn’t it? 

Just an honest mistake. 

But not one I regret. 

 Because even in the ache, 

 I still chose to love 

— fully, fiercely, without condition. 

And now, I choose to let go 

with the same grace I held 

when I said yes.

Too Real

I might have caught you off guard, 

when you were just playfully tossing 

"I love yous" and "marry mes" 

to strangers online. 

But there I was 

— perhaps too naive, 

 too trusting, 

 too full of hope for my own good. 

I said “I love you too” 

with every fiber of my being, 

 with every beat of my heart. 

 God be my witness. 

Maybe you were never ready to get real, 

As you'd like to think

Or as you said you were. 

But I was. I was real. 

 

Maybe even too real for you. 

 I cared — deeply. 

 I saw you — as you showed yourself. 

Or maybe… 

Was it just performance? 

I’ll never know. 

And that’s okay. 

It’s okay not to know. 

It’s okay to hurt. 

It’s okay to cry. 

It’s okay that I loved deeply 

and still had to let go. 

Not because I was afraid of love. 

But because I didn’t feel safe 

Or secure in the kind of love you gave. 

I wasn’t asking for perfection. 

That’s overrated. 

I wanted presence.

I was looking for something real 

— because I was real. 

And I always will be.

I Love Anyway

My heart bleeds 

— not from weakness, 

but from the strength 

of loving without regrets. 

I love despite the ache, 

in spite of the fear. 

I give even when it hurts, 

because love is always worth the risk. 

No one can promise 

it will be returned. 

No one can guarantee 

you won’t be left empty. 

But I choose to love anyway. 

Not for the assurance, 

but for the truth that love, 

when real, 

is its own kind of freedom. 

And maybe it doesn't come back. 

Maybe it fades, 

maybe it changes, 

maybe it leaves. 

Still

— I love. 

Because that’s who I am.

I am LOVE.

To the Almost, the Maybes, the Once Upon a Time

I loved with intention,  

not for attention. 

What I gave was real, rooted, steady 

— not a flicker of passing thrill. 

You said love, 

and I believed. 

You spoke of forever, 

and I dared to dream. 

But dreams without action 

fade like mist in morning light. 

And your silence 

spoke louder than any vow. 

I wanted to be seen, 

not alongside many — but as the one. 

Not as one of many petals, 

but as the bloom you chose to hold. 

I don’t regret you. 

You were a chapter I needed to learn. 

A mirror I stared into, and saw my own worth reflected back through the pain. 

You didn’t break me. 

You reminded me of what I will never settle for. 

And so I close this page, 

no bitterness in my ink, just grace. 

May life be kinder to you. 

May love grow where it’s nurtured. 

May truth guide your heart 

when charm no longer shields it. 

 

Goodbye 

— not in anger, but in freedom. 

Not with blame, but with peace.

The Scientist

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry

You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions
Oh, let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a science apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
But tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start

Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start

Why do, whenever, I hear this song I feel utter sadness?

Like a deep lurking sadness in the depths of my heart

A kind of loneliness you tend to get lost in

A feeling that leaves you empty inside

That no one would ever want to feel

At the end of day, everyone want to belong and be loved 

A love where you are seen and heard

Something so genuine

To be valued, by your worth as a person 

Through all the pain and hurt and struggles

Longing for that feeling of home

Where you feel at peace regardless of whatever circumstance

Oh the choices we make

We live and breathe it, day by day

Holding on to that promise 

All is well, because that is a choice too

Looking forward to brighter days ahead 

When this lonely heart of mine will no longer be

Not because you complete me but I complete me

Journal 10/15/2020

 How He Loves

David Crowder Band

He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us oh
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us oh,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

And we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.
And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don't have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way

That He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

Journal 10/14/2020

 Give Me Faith by Elevation Worship

We Believe by Newsboys

This song by Elevation, "Give Me Faith" struck a chord in my heart. It resonates with me a LOT. 

All I am, I surrender

Give me faith to trust what you say
That you're good and your love is great
I'm broken inside, I give you my life

'Cause I may be weak
But Your spirit strong in me
My flesh may fail
My God you never will
I may be weak
But Your spirit strong in me
My flesh may fail
My God you never will

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Reading 1, Galatians 5:18-25 18 But when you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law. 19 When self-indulgence is at work the results are obvious: sexual vice, impurity, and sensuality, 20 the worship of false gods and sorcery; antagonisms and rivalry, jealousy, bad temper and quarrels, disagreements, 21 factions and malice, drunkenness, orgies and all such things. And about these, I tell you now as I have told you in the past, that people who behave in these ways will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 On the other hand the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, trustfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control; no law can touch such things as these. 24 All who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified self with all its passions and its desires. 25 Since we are living by the Spirit, let our behaviour be guided by the Spirit Responsorial Psalm, Psalms 1:1-2, 3, 4, 6 1 How blessed is anyone who rejects the advice of the wicked and does not take a stand in the path that sinners tread, nor a seat in company with cynics, 2 but who delights in the law of Yahweh and murmurs his law day and night. 3 Such a one is like a tree planted near streams; it bears fruit in season and its leaves never wither, and every project succeeds. 4 How different the wicked, how different! Just like chaff blown around by the wind 6 For Yahweh watches over the path of the upright, but the path of the wicked is doomed. Gospel, Luke 11:42-46 42 But alas for you Pharisees, because you pay your tithe of mint and rue and all sorts of garden herbs and neglect justice and the love of God! These you should have practised, without neglecting the others. 43 Alas for you Pharisees, because you like to take the seats of honour in the synagogues and to be greeted respectfully in the market squares! 44 Alas for you, because you are like the unmarked tombs that people walk on without knowing it!' 45 A lawyer then spoke up. 'Master,' he said, 'when you speak like this you insult us too.' 46 But he said, 'Alas for you lawyers as well, because you load on people burdens that are unendurable, burdens that you yourselves do not touch with your fingertips.

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Praise be to YOU, Lord Jesus Christ!

06/18/2020

Breakfree
The Time Has Come
What a Beautiful Name w/ Break Every Chain

You see my wretched soul
My every flaw, my imperfections
Every scar, every brokenness within me
But yes, you love me just the same
Only you can see right through me and love me like that
God forever you reign!
Yours is the glory God forever you reign!
I love you! Thank you for being You!

Ezekiel 4 Ezekiel Acts Out the Siege on Jerusalem
5

The wrath of God to the rebellious nation, Jerusalem. He sends Ezekiel to warn them and turn from their wicked ways. Those who obey is saved. Those who doesn't will suffer punishment.