Prayer Time: It's a Struggle

I'm trying to revive my prayer time. It's been a struggle. I remember a moment when I was able to endure long hours in my prayer time. It could be an hour or as long as 3 hours or the whole day! I was so joyful and at peace during those times, even if circumstances weren't great at all. Instead, it was chaotic. But surprisingly, now, when I look back how things were, I realize I was exactly where I needed to be. It's was during those times I found and fell in love with God. And since then, it has not been easy this "relationship" but it's always worth it. I know I am so blessed to have known, love, and be loved by him.

Now, going back, it seems that every month I try to revive my prayer time and fail again. So anyway, here is another attempt. Hopefully, I am really able to make it a habit. I just want to document this moment so I can read back to it in the years to come.  :)

"You have made me real. Time and time again. It's you oh Lord! Only you, who can wipe my tears away, take my pain and make it beautiful. Only you can do these marvelous things! I am always overwhelmed by your presence. Everytime I feel hopelessly desperate you remind me that you are with  me. That I am saved by grace. That I am loved. That I am precious. That I am your Princess and you are my King, my Father. That only you can satisfy me. Only you can love me like you do. Pardon me oh Lord for seeing things through my eyes, for being mediocre, for being lazily complacent. Pardon me for putting you on the sidelines and believeing the impossible, when with you nothing will ever be impossible. My God, I love you so much. And I am ashamed of what I have done and what I have failed to do. I ask for your forgiveness. I ask for your grace. Pull me out of my misery, in all things that is holding me down. Help me to become the person you want me to be. I don't know how, oh God. Please help me. Mold me. Use me. Make me an instrument of your love and peace. Help me to be your faithful servant. I long for nothing more than to be with you in this life and the life to come. I love you so much Lord. I love you and nothing can change that. You are my Past, my Present, my Future. My One and Only True God. My True Love. " -Vanz

After that, I also prayed for my personal intentions and other peoples' petition. And I asked God to speak to me through bible cutting and that I may acknowledge his answers in the days to come. Well, here is the bible cutting verse that I had.

9 

“In order that people will praise my name,

    I am holding my anger in check;

    I am keeping it back and will not destroy you.

10 

I have tested you in the fire of suffering,

    as silver is refined in a furnace.

But I have found that you are worthless.

11 

What I do is done for my own sake—

    I will not let my name be dishonored

    or let anyone else share the glory

    that should be mine and mine alone.” - Isaiah 48:9-11

Hmmm.. God seems to be mad at me. I haven't been doing what I should have. I know, I am guilty as charged! I know right. I haven't really put him first as what I always intend to do. I mostly fail at keeping my prayer time with him. And we all know that God is a jealous God. He doesn't want anything nor anyone getting in the way of our relationship with him. He wants to be the first in all we do. He wants to be our "go-to-guy" whether things are smoothly going as planned or things are falling apart. He wants to be the first in. He wants to be the first to know. He wants to be the one you consult to. That is how he is. Mainly because he wants to be involved in the lives we live. He wants us to acknowledge him, his presence in our lives even if we don't see him because he wants us to know and to always remember that he is with us. Oh well, these are just some of the things I learned and realized through the years. And I'm looking forward to his answers in the days to come. He never fails to answer my every question or desire. It's just amazing!

Let me share a beautiful song to you entitled, Hungry by Kathryn Scott. Warning: It cuts through the heart! It's just lovely! I love it!

Until tomorrow! Cheers! God is good all the time!  :)